How My Conversation About Identity Is Unique

I’ve found it strange that some straight people fetishize my identity. Girls, especially, will say things to me such as, “I wish I were into women too, that would make things easier.”

I know it’s well-intentioned, but it trivializes the challenges that LGBTQ+ individuals face. I’m proud of my identity but, I always cringe when someone says it would be “easier” to be queer. I believe that is a denial of privilege.

I knew since I was a kid that I was into both men and women. But, it took me a really long time to actively acknowledge my identity as bisexual.

In fact, I have this memory of taking a quiz in Seventeen magazine that “reassured” me I was straight. It pisses me off now thinking back to that.

What business did a crappy teen magazine have in telling me that I only liked dudes at the age of 13? But, it wasn’t until college I realized I didn’t have to ignore my attraction to other genders besides cis men.

The concept of coming out is still really strange to me. I still don’t know what it means to be “out.”

For the most part, I didn’t go around proclaiming my sexuality. I told my close friends, yeah, and people just found out after that. I know this is a privilege, though.

A lot of people come from communities that would not be okay with “just finding out” that a family member or friend was queer. Some people did get upset with how casual I was about coming out.

They felt they deserved more of an explanation. I am happy to have a conversation about identity if people are genuinely curious or want to know more. But, I don’t want to have to explain myself.

I always say, “I’m queer. Deal with it.”