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LGBTQ Voices

How My Conversation About Identity Is Unique

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A redhead girl wearing a black blazer and a purple shirt, looking at camera, gray background..
Lynnfield, MA

I’ve found it strange that some straight people fetishize my identity. Girls, especially, will say things to me such as, “I wish I were into women too, that would make things easier.”

I know it’s well-intentioned, but it trivializes the challenges that LGBTQ+ individuals face. I’m proud of my identity but, I always cringe when someone says it would be “easier” to be queer. I believe that is a denial of privilege.

I knew since I was a kid that I was into both men and women. But, it took me a really long time to actively acknowledge my identity as bisexual.

In fact, I have this memory of taking a quiz in Seventeen magazine that “reassured” me I was straight. It pisses me off now thinking back to that.

What business did a crappy teen magazine have in telling me that I only liked dudes at the age of 13? But, it wasn’t until college I realized I didn’t have to ignore my attraction to other genders besides cis men.

The concept of coming out is still really strange to me. I still don’t know what it means to be “out.”

For the most part, I didn’t go around proclaiming my sexuality. I told my close friends, yeah, and people just found out after that. I know this is a privilege, though.

A lot of people come from communities that would not be okay with “just finding out” that a family member or friend was queer. Some people did get upset with how casual I was about coming out.

They felt they deserved more of an explanation. I am happy to have a conversation about identity if people are genuinely curious or want to know more. But, I don’t want to have to explain myself.

I always say, “I’m queer. Deal with it.”

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