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LGBTQ Voices

How I Changed My Name And Pronouns

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Author standing at the end of a dock with a straw hat, beige tank top and green pants smiling by a swamp.
Wisconsin

I came out several times, all times with different queer identities. The first time I came out was during my senior year in high school. And that sure wasn’t easy because not all my teachers used my name and pronouns.

Some did, and a lot didn’t. After I withdrew from college, I changed my name and pronouns. The most difficult part about coming out so many times with different identities, pronouns and names is that I lost a lot of friends and family during my journey.

I went from identifying as a monogamous and bisexual transgender male to a gender non-conforming non-monogamous pansexual demisexual person.

Now, my pronouns are xe/xem/xyrs at age 21 but when I first came out at 17, my pronouns were he/him/his.

How did I realize? Well, in first grade I concluded that there was something really f***ed up happening to me.

I was on my parents’ computer googling different body types and asking my friends about how they felt about their bodies while in them. Maybe you can imagine the looks I got from others, including my family, especially when I was super curious about bodies.

At the time, I didn’t know I was experiencing gender and body dysphoria. When I got to college, I learned about what dysphoria was and realized that exactly was what I was experiencing in first grade.

I’ve lost countless of friends, lost a job over my pronouns (among other reasons), lost respect from some of my family members. I get treated like each name change and identity. And, pronoun change is a phase in my life, instead of me, on my path of self-discovery.

I believe that coming out now is just as difficult as it was years ago. This is because each person’s experience is unique to them regardless of same-sex marriage legalization.

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