GUILT — That uncomfortable, yet ubiquitous feeling that seems to never go away. Every day, we feel guilty about so many things: being a workaholic, not being productive enough, not having enough time to hang out with family & friends, etc.
The list is endless. Does it ring a bell?
We live in a society that puts a lot of pressure to balance it all perfectly well. We have been programmed to think that successful people can handle it all every day. But is it realistic?
Randi Zuckerberg pushes back against the idea of a well-balanced life. And in her book Pick Three is an easy self-help guide to achieve “real” balance in all areas of life.
You are the definition of a superwoman wearing different capes every day as a mom, entrepreneur, author, and speaker. How do you pick a project that you want to be involved with?
First of all, thank you. That’s incredibly kind, especially since I am 8 months pregnant right now and can barely walk down the street, let alone feel super at anything! But women truly are superheroes.
For me, my passion is supporting other women who are performing at the top of their game – and just need that small boost up to get there – whether that’s in technology, business, theater, running their household, you name it.
Sometimes I’ll invest in a particular entrepreneur or project if I think it’s something where I can truly be helpful, sometimes I’ll try and give advice that can scale to many people through my books, my radio show, or my mentorship and coaching platform, Zuckerberg Institute.
Where were you in your life when you were writing your book,
I was raising my two young sons while traveling 100 days a year to speak at events around the world and simultaneously running my own business back at home. Oh, and trying to have some semblance of maintaining health, fitness, and friendships.
I love everything I do, but definitely felt the guilt creeping in and the sleep going bye bye.
The concept of Pick Three (Work. Sleep. Family. Fitness. Friends. Pick Three) has saved me and my sanity more times than I can say, and writing the book definitely could not have happened at a more perfect or necessary point in my life!
In your book, you discuss the concept of being “well-lopsided” as the key to success and happiness. Please tell us more about that.
I’ve always believed that in order to achieve excellence in anything, you need to give yourself permission to really focus on that area of your life, even if it means that other things need to temporarily go on the back burner.
If you ask anyone to tell you the one or two things they are most proud of in their life, they will start talking about times when they weren’t well-balanced at all.
That’s why I am a huge advocate for being well-lopsided. In the long run, you can’t ignore or sacrifice areas of your life forever, but sometimes it is essential in order to thrive, or even simply survive, in the short term.
What was your motivation behind this book?
As a woman in technology and business, I’ve gotten used to being the only woman in the room, the only woman speaking in a panel discussion. And I noticed that I would be the only one who would get asked: “how do I balance it all?”
It made me curious; when did work/life balance become an issue only for women? Doesn’t everyone have to make decisions and trade-offs about their time, regardless of gender, age, work, or marital status?
I started diving deeper into different theories around time management and how we prioritize different aspects of our lives, and that’s how I came up with Pick Three. It took me almost seven years from coming up with this mantra to writing a book about it.
During that time, I’ve done countless research, spoken with experts across all five of the Pick Three categories, and honed/changed some of my own theories about what truly leads to balance, success, and happiness.
How did the Pick Three method originate? How does it work?
I was starting to figure out that in the real world, achieving anything of substance, whether at work, a personal goal, a health milestone, required intense focus and “lopsidedness.”
Everything you say yes to in life means you are saying no to something else, whether that something else is sleep, or going to the gym, or dating, you name it.
One day, out of sheer exasperation, I tweeted out: “The Entrepreneur’s Dilemma. Maintaining Friendships. Getting Sleep. Staying Fit. Having a Family. Building a business. Pick Three.”
After the tweet went viral, I realized that this wasn’t just something that applied to entrepreneurs. Everyone struggles with how to manage the many demands on our time.
The Pick three method encourages us to choose three categories of our life each day – Why is it important to ONLY pick three?
Before I committed to Pick Three, I would go to bed thinking about everything I didn’t do that day. I had mile-long to-do lists and guilt that flowed even longer.
However, I noticed that when I gave myself permission to Pick Three in a given day, I could easily accomplish everything I set out to do. And not only that, I did it well.
I’d end the day thinking about everything I had done, rather than what I hadn’t. And I started making Ta-Da lists rather than To-Do lists (which I outline in the book).
Now I’m not saying that you can only pick Three things and then you’re stuck with those same three things every day until the end of time. No, I believe in balance over the long run but lopsidedness in the short term. Every day is a new opportunity to pick a different three things.
How does the Pick Three method help people achieve balance over time?
The reason Pick Three exists is to give ourselves permission to be lopsided at a time when life is skewed in different directions. By focusing on a few tasks each day—varying what needs attention and when—we eventually will balance out.
Sometimes we are lucky and we get to choose which three to pick. Sometimes life is crazy and throws wrenches at us and picks for us.
Either way, whether you are on top of the world or simply treading water, giving yourself permission to focus on a few things and freeing yourself from the guilt of not being everything to everyone can make a huge difference in our overall happiness and well-being.
We live in a culture that puts a lot of pressure to balance everything and get it perfectly right. How do you think we can change that?
It’s easy to look at social media and think that everyone else’s lives are perfect. But peer beneath the surface and you’ll find that everyone is struggling. If you try and do everything well every day, you are setting yourself up for failure and mediocrity across every category of your life.
Personally, I’d rather be great at a few things than average at everything! But it definitely takes time, mindfulness, and focus to get to that place and to give yourself permission to be ok with being “lopsided.”
What do you hope for readers to take away from your book?
No one’s life is perfect, regardless of what it looks like on the outside. We’re all just trying to live the best way we know how. Comparison and judgment won’t make you happy, it’s actually the opposite, so avoid being hard on yourself at all costs.
Being mindful and careful about what you focus your time on, even if it means saying no to things, will help you be happier, more successful, and yes, more balanced, in the long run.
You’ve had an amazing professional journey, from Facebook director of marketing to founder of the Zuckerberg Institute. What is the one piece of advice you have for entrepreneurs that are just starting?
Every single day is a new opportunity to make choices, to reconsider how you are going to spend your time, and to prioritize the things that truly feed your soul.
I love seeing the entrepreneurs I mentor and coach through the Zuckerberg Institute start ditching the guilt and giving themselves permission to accomplish greatness.
Nobody becomes an entrepreneur because they want to be mediocre – if you’ve made the decision to start your own business, this is the time to dig deep, focus, and build something you can truly be proud of.
5 Unique Tips for a Fresh Start in 2021
As the pandemic looms on and remote working continues, it feels increasingly difficult to find new and better ways to start fresh in the new year. Especially at home, your immediate thoughts might jump to the towering pile of boxes in your garage or the mysterious mold that’s been growing in your shower. Of course, the ongoing pandemic has caused a worldwide case of stress-based quarantine clutter, and it’s definitely important to set aside a day (or three) to clean out that accumulated mess.
At the same time, however, while cleaning out your physical space has been proven to improve your mental health, there exist many other methods to help clear your mind and start this year with a renewed outlook.
Here are 5 unique tips for a fresh start in 2021!
Tip #1: Mindful Eating
Before the pandemic, when we were all rushing to our next class, to an appointment or to work, eating might have felt like an automatic or even tedious act. Now, researchers are noting the effects of the “Quarantine 15”, the weight gain many people are facing as a result of the stay-at-home orders due to the pandemic.
As we spend another year at home, you should skip the fad diets this year and instead opt for the kinder, more attentive realm of mindful eating. Grounded in the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, mindful eating consists of a variety of ways in which you can strive to be more observant of how, when, and why you eat.
Whether it’s eating slower or recognizing the distinct taste of your food, you can learn to slow down and grow a greater sense of appreciation for not only the food you eat, but also the ritual of eating. This doesn’t mean that you need to give up your morning coffee or stop munching on your favorite brand of chips. Mindful eating instead encourages you to pause for a moment, really taste your coffee or chips, enjoy it, and continue on your day. By paying attention to how we eat, we can all learn to focus more on these little moments and find a grander purpose in them.
Tip #2: Move Your Body
In addition to mindful eating, it’s just as important to be mindful of your body and find ways to exercise it! From starting a rigorous at-home workout to performing desk exercises, below are a few fresh ways to get your blood pumping.
- Workout Routine
Searching for workouts of which there are a plethora of possibilities. Including glute bridges, sumo squats, and plenty more, the article introduces all the ways you can start an easy, active routine.
It’s been proven how much yoga has done to relieve pandemic stress and anxiety. Its principles are also founded on philosophies similar to the Buddhist mindfulness mentioned above, so combining yoga routines with mindful eating is sure to prepare your mind and body for the new year. Though in-person yoga studios are closed for now, many are currently hosting free video classes, specifically aimed at relieving pandemic struggles. So roll out your yoga mats or find a comfortable, flat surface, and get your yoga game on!
- Desk Exercises
Is starting a full-out workout or yoga routine too much of a commitment? No worries, there’s a reason why gym membership attendance drops significantly into the new year. Since you’re at your desk, try these quick and easy desk exercises during class or work breaks. You can stretch out your wrists to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome or, if you have a swivel chair, work out your abs by turning your chair left and right!
Tip #3: Clear Your Mind for a fresh start
With social media piling up on hundreds of the latest news stories, it’s difficult to find space for yourself, even in your own mind. For a fresh start to the new year, pull out that notebook or journal that’s been hiding on your bookshelf, and journal it out! Not only can journaling help to improve your mental health, taking the time to write can allow space for you to critically reflect on this past year. What did you learn in 2020? What have you been struggling with? What dreams do you have for the new year? Writing it all down can help you untangle all of the complicated emotions that you may have been struggling with, and enter the new year with a fresher, more positive outlook.
Tip #4: Purposeful Content Consumption
We are all definitely guilty of binging two seasons of a Netflix show or diving into an endless Internet rabbit hole. Purposeful content consumption works along the same lines of mindful eating by learning to pay more attention to what content we are watching, reading, or listening to. As we enter the new year, strive to diversify the media or content that you usually watch without a second thought. It is known that the Internet, and social media specifically, has been prone to causing political and social polarization, or in simpler terms, consuming only certain kinds of content can lead you to think a certain way (i.e. watching only cat videos and none of the amazing dog videos could lead you to believe that dogs are really not that great). So push yourself to learn about the other sides, and maybe you can develop some empathy along the way!
Tip #5: Reach Out & Remind Others That You Care
Start fresh in all of your friendships and relationships by making it an active goal to be more attentive to all the people you care about in your life. 2020 was the year when we learned to be more grateful for our loved ones, so put it into action! Send a message to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, or call your mom and ask about her day. By making it a habit to consistently check in with others, we solidify our relationships with them as well. After all, humans are social creatures, and research has shown that social connections are key to our well-being!
While this isn’t an exhaustive list of all the ways you can enter 2021 new and improved, these tips are sure to help in redirecting your perspective of how you can change things up. Whether it’s practicing mindfulness or starting little desk exercises, continue to be gentle and kind with yourself and all your new year’s resolutions. We’re still in the midst of a pandemic, after all, and it’s just as important to take a day or two off for some self-care and self-love!
5 Surprisingly Easy Ways to Actually Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions in 2021
The year 2020 is finally over, and we have a new year to look forward to! After living ten years in the course of one, you’re ready for the next phase. If you’re anything like the majority of the world’s population, you’ve made New Year’s resolutions in the past—and broken them within a month. But you keep making them, because you enjoy the optimism: beginning a new year on the right foot, promising to be a better, more fit and a more skilled version of yourself.
Here are ways you can stick to your New Year’s Resolutions in 2021
- Tell people about your resolution
Usually, we’re told that peer pressure is a bad thing. But in the case of a New Years’ Resolution, it might be just what you need. Positive reinforcement (encouragement and support) from your friends and family can push you to learn the guitar, lose the beer belly, or whatever it is you want to do in this new year. Disappointment (or the fear of it) can also push you to work harder toward your goal. If the cost of failing on your resolution is a whole bunch of awkward and sad conversations, maybe that’ll keep you on the straight and narrow.
- Break it down into manageable chunks
This is something essentially everybody tells you about anything, but it’s true. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step—and continues, step by step. A New Years’ Resolution isn’t accomplished all at once, but rather gradually. Don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t get down on yourself if your goal is still a long way off. Set realistic markers along the way, and at each one check in with yourself. That way, you’ll get a sense of accomplishment as you go, and you’ll see your progress stack up.
- Care for yourself
Treat your New Year’s Resolution as what it is: a gift. When you accomplish it, not only will you get the benefit of whatever your goal is, but you’ll feel more confidence and pride in yourself. This feeling of accomplishment is full of benefits: it makes you better poised to chase down the next opportunity, better prepared to be a positive influence in the lives of others, and can even make you live longer. In making a New Years’ Resolution, and caring about yourself, you’re giving the best present you can give yourself, so don’t think of it as correcting something that’s wrong about you, but giving yourself another thing that’s right about you.
- Forgive yourself, don’t define yourself
When a friend who’s made a mistake comes to you for help, do you immediately tell them that they’re worthless, that everybody knows it, and that they should just give up already? No, but this treatment is something of the norm when it comes to yourself. Unfortunately, many of us treat ourselves this way; we are quick to criticize and slow to forgive. Strangely enough, this negative self-talk often gives us permission to betray our resolutions.
If you resolve, in 2021, to cut down on carbs and one night you give in to the urge to order a bunch of pasta on Postmates, don’t beat yourself up for it the next morning. Accept the mistake and continue working toward your goal the next day. Don’t decide you’re undisciplined, gluttonous, and have failed. Everyone messes up a few times and forgiveness is the best way to move forward.
- Use your resolution as a chance to explore new horizons
We all have ideas about who we’d like to be, and we all face the realities of who we are. While a person who wakes up every morning at 6 a.m. and works out in order to get a clean, fresh start to the day is certainly admirable, that person might not be you. In making resolutions, pick goals that flow organically from who you are. If you don’t know who you are (because who really does?) then go into a resolution with flexibility.
If, for example, your resolution is to get fit, don’t force yourself into a box with it. Instead, try different exercises, intensities, and intervals. Don’t stick yourself in the gym for a 45-minute routine with weights when what you’d really enjoy doing is going to a yoga class or going for a run. Realize that everybody is different, and rather than changing yourself into somebody new, your resolution can be a way of discovering who you might already be. Think of it as an exploration. Let things develop, and commit to remaining open and focused.
The year, 2021 will likely be another challenging year. You already know why, so there’s no reason to repeat it here. But remember that you got through 2020, and if your resolution for 2021 is to just survive it sane, healthy, and maybe a little wiser—that’s totally fine. It’ll take some doing, but you’re definitely further along than you think you are.
The Overwhelming Mental Health Impact of Climate Change
People across the globe are being affected by climate change. Global warming and climate change are having detrimental effects on the Earth such as increased flooding, hotter temperatures, wildfires, and droughts. Wildlife and ecosystems are being destroyed. Sea levels are rising. The list goes on and it can be overwhelming to take in the effects of climate change. This is why mental health is being greatly affected by climate change, particularly in teenagers and college students.
Anxiety related to the global climate and fear of environmental doom is often referred to as eco-anxiety or climate anxiety. This anxiety is a legitimate reaction to a serious problem. A large population of Generation Z is burdened by climate anxiety. This is because they are concerned about their futures considering the state of the Earth and the fatal implications of climate change.
A contributing factor to climate anxiety is the lack of action currently being taken by political leaders. Many leaders in positions of power are avoiding climate issues rather than solving them. This has prompted members of younger generations to step up and fight for change. Young activists like Greta Thunberg have taken the lead in protesting climate injustices. But watching older generations sit back while climate change is destroying the planet can lead to feelings of frustration and anger, which are common symptoms of climate anxiety.
Climate change can be a controversial topic and there is a fair amount of conflict surrounding it. Everyone reacts differently to the topic: many people shut down when climate change is brought up and they avoid the subject altogether. Others are fearful of the effects of climate change and want to help but feel powerless. And some people are eager to take action and do their part in combating climate change.
Many teenagers and college students have made efforts to reduce their carbon footprint by making lifestyle changes. Going vegan, carpooling, and shopping sustainably are some of the many ways to cut down on carbon emissions. But unfortunately, big corporations are some of the main contributors to climate change. Greenhouse gas emissions––a major contributor to climate change––are the highest they’ve ever been. This leaves young generations as they have difficulty believing that they can make a difference.
How Climate Change Affects Mental Health
Many people are mentally affected by climate change because they have been faced with natural disasters, such as wildfires, serious storms, or flooding. While everyone reacts and copes differently, many survivors of these environmental disasters have some sort of lasting psychological trauma. PTSD, anxiety, depression, and grief are some of the many mental health issues that people who have lived through natural disasters struggle with.
But you don’t need to be directly faced with a natural disaster to feel climate anxiety or despair over the state of the Earth. Just witnessing and learning about climate change is enough to cause mental health issues. There’s a sense of impending doom or existential dread that can wash over you when reflecting on climate change and its effects.
Why Climate Anxiety is Often Overlooked
Climate anxiety is often overlooked or brushed off. This is because it can be difficult to discuss mental health concerns because there are still stigmas surrounding mental health. Climate anxiety is also typically not taken as seriously as other anxieties or mental health issues. This is because many people do not understand the serious, detrimental impacts of climate change.
What to do About Climate Anxiety
- Talk to friends and family about climate change.
Listen to their thoughts on the matter and discuss your own thoughts. Talk about the negative impacts and grieve with them. It can be healing and helpful to share your concerns with others.
- Become a part of the solution!
It is important to stay informed on environmental topics and to use your knowledge for good. Join a climate justice organization at your school or in your community. Connecting with others who also care about climate change can ease your worries and fears about the Earth’s future. Climate organizations are making a difference in your community and educating others on climate change.
- Join protests.
If there are protests near you, make a sign and join in. Marching with other people who care about climate injustices is empowering. Protests help spark change by informing others and raising awareness.
- Do what you can to help the environment.
It is important to do what you can to reduce your own carbon footprint, but don’t become overly consumed with it. Eat a more plant-based diet, bike or carpool when you can, and use reusable bags. But try not to worry about how each of your actions will impact the environment. Those who experience climate anxiety often feel guilty about taking part in activities that affect the environment, like driving. Just do what you can and that will be enough.
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