“Sometimes you take some steps back, I suppose, but you don’t really lose the mental progress in what you’ve learned, and what’s made you strong to be able to deal with the future.”
I didn’t know it was that illness at first, but since I was young (maybe 11 or even younger), I had issues that could be linked to bipolar disorder.
Officially, I became aware of it when I was sent a mental health institute after telling people I wanted to take my own life at the age of 16. They diagnosed me with it there after monitoring me for about 30 days and put me on medication.
Having bipolar disorder has made everything more difficult. Because of my severe ups and downs, irritability, anxiety, loss of interest/pleasure in things, difficulty concentrating, and tons of other issues that come from it, I had problems with skipping a lot of class in high school and ended up dropping out.
I’ve quit multiple jobs because I can’t deal with stress very well. Having a mental illness in general drains a lot of energy just to ‘stay alive’ & be ‘okay.’
Depression especially lies to you and tells you that you’re worthless, so that affects your mindset and outlook on life a lot, and when you think of the things you tried to do and failed, it makes it more believable. But, that’s not to say that people can’t manage it better and be successful, because people can and do, especially with the right treatment.
I’ve learned a lot of coping skills over the years, both by myself and through therapy. Mainly, including calming myself down from anxiety by wording things differently in my brain, like if something didn’t go entirely right I can say ‘this part did go right’ or something.
I have to try to keep my mind busy/distracted from the negative thoughts, which sometimes even results in temporarily ‘disconnecting from reality’ by playing a game, watching science fiction once in a while, listening to new music, or just sitting/laying down trying to relax.
Other times, it’s great to have people who can relate to talk to about it; having social media where a lot of people relate to me has helped me a lot, and I feel good about being able to help them at times too which makes me happier. I’ve learned to manage my illness better by understanding it.
Instead of giving up on something because I’m frustrated, I take breaks and believe/know that I can do it. So failure is usually more successful now for one thing.
By becoming more positive in general, telling myself those things, reading them, telling them to other people, it’s actually made me feel more positive. I’ve also become a more sympathetic/caring person because of what I’ve gone through and deal with. And I have learned how it can affect other people too.
I used to be a lot more of an angry person and took out some of my problems on other people. Now, I often care a lot about and make some sacrifices for other people, but ultimately if my mental health needs care, I have to put that first to be okay, then come back to what I was doing.
Sometimes you take some steps back, I suppose, but you don’t really lose the mental progress in what you’ve learned, and what’s made you strong to be able to deal with the future. It’s just more like a bump in the road, even when it’s a rather severe one that can send you off the road completely, you can get back on it with time/healing and keep going.