Love is unique. I feel like there are different types of love. They range from the love you have for your friends, the love you have for your partner, and the love you have for family. Each one has a different feeling or intention behind it. When I knew I loved you, it was a tingling feeling that pushed me to say I love you. I don’t have the ability to say I love you to everyone including family. Individuality is what sets my love apart. When I’m shown what no one else has seen, from you or anyone else, it brings me joy and that makes me realize you love me before I have to ask. Love comes with those that are caring, and compassionate. People who have hate and bitterness in their heart don’t care about your feelings. I don’t feel like love and hate are hand and hand. They are distinctly different because I don’t have the ability to love someone I once hated. I don’t harbor that feeling of hatred because the love I have established with others. I would tell my younger self that it is ok for everyone not to love you and also that you can’t love everybody. I feel like when you are younger, you have this unrealistic idea that if you love someone enough, they will be there for you. However, I have learned that is not the case at all. I would tell my older self to keep her walls up and stay focused. Follow the lead, but do not get too caught up in it. Don’t allow what you have already experienced to be the determining factor of what you have yet to see. When you are ready for love, you will know exactly what it is. I once heard love is patience and kindness and I could not have said it better.

When you’re in love, little things that are negative and used to matter, don’t anymore. You start to focus your energy on the more important things and you realize that certain problems in your life seem smaller. I think, in a few ways, love has changed from previous generations. I think social media can make people believe they have to put a front on for other people regarding their relationship, but the use of technology can also help couples stay close to one another, especially with long-distance relationships. There are different kinds of love. For example, the love you have for your mother is not the same type of love you have for your boyfriend. There is romantic love, family love and friendship love. I believe that unconditional love is a love that can be present in families (example would be between a mother and her child), but doesn’t necessarily have to exist (when families fight and don’t make amends). The feelings you have for someone can change, but it doesn’t mean that your love for them wasn’t real at that time or moment.

It’s important to tell people you love them because life is too short to hold back your true feelings. If you love someone, letting them know, reassures them that you care deeply in a capacity that isn’t just surface level. When someone tells you that they love you, it makes you feel a million different emotions, and when you tell someone you love them, it’s definitely makes you feel a little vulnerable at first. I think the most important element in a relationship is comfort. Feeling comfortable and safe around someone is so important because it helps you trust them and feel close to them.

We met at a retreat. We were both at a leadership conference in Connecticut. Oddly, we didn’t approach each other right away. Someone set her up on a blind date and the person who she thought was her blind date wasn’t there. She just had a description of what the person looked like and I was standing next to the guy who she thought was her blind date. Turns out he wasn’t. So, we started talking from there. Keep in mind, I was not looking for love at that point in my life. She lived like five hours away from me which was perfect because I thought I would never see her again. I remember one night, her friends were going to go to the movies and just hang out. I was just looking forward to meeting new people from upstate, so it was going to be a real cool setting. There were eight people including myself and everyone had date, except us. We were the only single ones, so I was like: ‘Man this is getting real awkward.’ Evidently, we didn’t end up going to the movies anymore. Long story short of that night, we met up with our friends and just went our separate ways. After the retreat, I thought I would never see her again. She was going back to Syracuse and I would go back to Long Island and that’s it. But for some reason, something told me that I was going to marry her. And oddly enough, I did and I’m so glad I did. Honestly, I’ve never been happier. Whoever said love comes when you least expect it, they were absolutely right. #blacklove