I think parenting is a very important part of everyone’s life. I clearly remembered that when I was 11 years old, my parents fought a lot at home and finally divorced.
They fought about financial problems, and many things that I could not fully understand at that age. I felt so sad and often cried but they could not understand me and still focused on their own conflicts.
I felt like I lacked love, and nobody cared about me. Eleven was also a particular time of transition: rising to middle school. To made matters worse, I had no friends to talk with.
Nobody was around me. I was lonely. I cried more often and started to think maybe I should never exist.
I thought I was invisible to attract attention with my disappearance. There was a time when my mom and I had a fight, and I held a knife wanting to stab myself.
My mother is a very traditional Asian parent. As such, she replied: ‘Go ahead and stab yourself. I do not believe you will dare to do it. Show me then. ‘ Her words made me burst into tears. My heart has never recovered from it.
Sometimes, I look back at everything that has happened to me, and I am grateful for keeping a diary.
Having a diary is the most crucial part of my life.
I regard my diary as my best friend. It was the only place that I could express myself and shared my feelings when I battled with depression. I wrote poems, verses, articles and so on to express my sadness and loneliness.
After I started college, I decided to try therapy. I cannot say it is very useful for everyone, but it did provide me with tools to help me deal with my mental problems.
Talking to a psychotherapist helped me realize the importance of self-expression and talking to people regularly to understand my emotions. Talking to a psychotherapist helped me realize the importance of self-expression and talking to people regularly to understand my emotions.
You can express your feelings through screaming, doing sports, and crying even though you are an adult.
I still feel insecure and depressed sometimes right now, but I have gotten to a point that I can control my mental problems.
Lotus is my favorite flower and symbol. They grow from mud and dirt, but they bloom without any contamination. They suffered a lot in their ‘childhood’ but embrace the world with their own beauty. I want to be like them, and build a beautiful world.