fbpx
Connect with us

Culture

4 Common misconceptions of Arranged Marriages

Published

on

Cover from Indian Matchmaking on Netflix. Depicts the matchmaker Sima Taparia smiling in yellow clothing with a woman and a man over each shoulder.

Since its release on July 16, the reality show, Indian Matchmaking has become a  household name. It has reached Netflix’s top 10 list in the United States.

As the name suggests, the show revolves around the business of Mumbai-based matchmaker, Sima Taparia.

Taparia focuses on seven couples ranging between their mid-twenties and late thirties, each with a variety of different professions. The show revolves around the age-old concept of arranged marriages. 

However, after watching the show, many viewers have had a negative idea of what the arranged marriage process is like. There are still many viewers, who do not quite understand how the process works.

BLENDtw has gathered first-hand experiences from couples who are products of arranged marriages. This is a list of four common misconceptions people have about arranged marriages. (All names have been changed due to privacy reasons).

1. It’s forced onto couples

Historically, arranged marriages were organized between families as an alliance to bring the two families together. It was not something that was limited to India, but also to other Asian and European countries.

Often in these circumstances, the bride and groom would have never met in person. They would have simply met on the day of the marriage. Arranged marriages have evolved over the years.

The arranged marriage process is similar to that of an online dating service. However, arranged marriages work on a spectrum. 

No two arranged marriages are alike. Each couple meets in a different way. Samir, the son of an arranged couple, described how his parents were matched in a more traditional way. He described how his two grandparents were neighbors in Lahore pre-Indian and Pakistan partition.

In 1947, they moved to New Delhi, where they were once again neighbors. “My paternal grandmother asked my father if we should approach my mother if he had any interest,” said Samir. “He was interested in another woman, but they rejected him because she was in the police force.”

In 1951, the couple married, when Samir’s mother was around nineteen years old and his father was around twenty-five.

Samir said that prior to their marriage the couple barely knew each other, but after, they were happily married for 65 years until the passing of his mother. 

Ronit and Rena, a couple married for 25 years, had a very different experience meeting. “It’s like going on a first date and seeing whether or not you liked the person,” said Ronit.

He described how the only defining difference between meeting someone through an arranged marriage was that they knew of each other’s family background.

“Although we didn’t know each other before, we both had similar experiences. Both our families celebrated the same festivals and took long train journeys to see our grandparents in South India.”

2. Women must compromise more

Throughout the show, Sima Taparia emphasized the importance of compromising and adjusting, while looking for matches. However, many viewers felt that the women were often asked to compromise more on their expectations for an eligible partner.

This lead to the spark of many internet memes, Tiktoks, and other criticisms of the arrangement process. 

While this might be the case for certain situations, it is not a set standard for everyone. Not every woman is forced to compromise their personal beliefs, lifestyle, and values for the sake of the groom’s family.

If a family demands this from the woman, the woman has every right to say no to the match. Taparia described how she rejected many matches, who did not respect her as a woman. 

Gauri, who has recently completed 25 years of marriage with her husband, also cared about her place in the marriage. “I do not want to be a doormat, I want to be able to work, I want to be able to make my own decisions. I needed a kind of person, who would let me be myself,” said Gauri.

She mentioned how she turned down many matches until she met her husband. “Even though it’s an arranged marriage we need to stand our ground. Even in marriage, it’s like colleges, you have to write down your pros and cons. If pros exceed the cons, then I will go for it. If not, I won’t,” said Gauri.

Compromise in marriage is not something that is limited towards marriages. It is a multi-faceted concept that applies to friendships and parent-child relationships.

If an individual cares for someone, then they are willing to deal with certain things they may not like. “Take the show King of Queens,” said Ronit. “Doug’s father-in-law lives with him. He doesn’t really like it, but he puts up with it for his wife’s sake.”

3. There is no true love in the Marriage

A common misconception about arranged marriages is that there is no love present in the marriage. However, this is not the case. The purpose of arranged marriage is to meet someone, who has a common goal: marriage.

The idea is that your shared experiences and common backgrounds and pave the way for the two individuals to grow to love each other.

“You’ve got to understand and like the person before you love them, so the love comes after everything else. I would say that’s the difference,” stated Gauri.

While it may not be the typical boy meets girl story, both individuals love and care for each other in the same way. “The main observation I have is that they get to learn to love each other. They were very devoted to each other. My mother was the stronger personality in the marriage.

My dad was more easy-going.” said Samir. “Their key was that they mutually respected each other.  The respect and love were what kept them together.” The love might happen a little later, but because of your common goals, experiences, and background, you grow to love the individual. 

4. It’s regressive 

Throughout the course of the show, Taparia emphasized that marriage is not only between the couple, but also between the two families. This idea was seen as regressive by many viewers of the show.

Many viewers believed that if the two individuals cared for each other, then what does the relationship between the two families matter?

While the first priority is that the couple gets along, there is a practical reason as to why it’s important for the two families to get along as well. 

For Gauri, the family background matching was a huge benefit to her. “Even though I didn’t have time to meet with him frequently, I knew he was a product of a good family, and that we would get along,” said Gauri.

She described how nowadays, she often speaks to her sister-in-law on the phone if there are any difficulties at home. Having this common family background and respect for the other person’s family, in fact, strengthens the relationship of the couple.

“I’m not only accepting my husband’s family, but I’m accepting my husband’s mother, father, and brother.” explained Rena. “Even though people may see it as a fault, I think that’s where our marriages are much stronger. We care for the extended family as opposed to just the individual.” 

The arranged marriage process is not perfect. There are many flaws in the system such as casteism, colorism (“fair, tall, slim, and trim”), and the exclusion of LGBTQIA+ individuals.

There have been arranged marriage couples, who’s marriages have not worked out, leading to toxic environments. However, it is a system that has worked for may marriages and continues to evolve day by day. As society continues to change, so do the standards of arranged marriages.

“Understand that there are real gradations to it,” said Ronit. “There are still marriages that take place in India, where the people who are getting married in villages have not seen the faces of their matches.” 

“My gut tells me that after a couple of years, it doesn’t matter if it’s an arranged marriage or a marriage based solely on love,” said Gauri. “You discover each other in a year or two, and grow to love and understand each other no matter how you met.”

Continue Reading

Culture

A New Home for Asian American Representation in Film

Published

on

Kelly Marie Tran on MTV International.
Source

After the onslaught of negative reactions to Mulan (2020), Disney’s recent film announcements offer new hope for Asian representation in the entertainment industry. From Raya and the Last Dragon to Shang-Chi: The Legend of the Ten Rings, Disney has opened up a larger space for Asian Americans to shine, but can they do it right this time? Here are a few movies that offer a new home for Asian American representation in film. 

Mulan in Crisis 

Over quarantine, Disney+ users dreamed about the promise of greater authenticity and Chinese representation in the live-action of Mulan. The film had an aggressive campaign of staying true to the original ballad of Mulan, and established a more serious approach than its animated companion. 

Soon after its release, however, audiences were sorely met with lackluster characterization and collapsing themes of Asian female empowerment. In addition to the outrage concerning main actress Yifei Liu’s support of Hong Kong police, Mulan (2020) suffered from its generalization of Chinese history and glorification of outdated values. 

An overwhelming backlash, in this case, was inevitable. The Asian American community responded with a plethora of media criticizing Disney’s failures with Mulan

As Disney enters a new era in the streaming industry, however, there has been some hope for growth in its relationship with Asian representation. 

Disney Plus on all platforms.
Source

Raya the First 

Though some have pointed out its stylistic similarity to Avatar: The Last Airbender, many others have applauded Raya and the Last Dragon for its introduction of Southeast Asian representation into the animated sphere. The new film portrays Raya, a fictional Southeast Asian warrior princess, who must search for the last dragon in order to save her world. 

Throughout its trailer, Raya and the Last Dragon hints at a variety of Southeast Asian cultures. Producers have claimed inspiration from countries such as Thailand, Myanmar, Vietnam and others, but many viewers have recognized the film’s direct representation of Filipino design and culture.

While the ability to openly point out such specific cultural moments paves an optimistic path, another question arises in Disney’s choice for a film that works to “blend Southeast Asian cultures” rather a distinct country. This particularly speaks to the ways in which Southeast Asian and Pacific Islander communities are too often consolidated as one culture. Whereas films like Mulan enjoy the cultural specificity of being Chinese, Moana and now Raya and the Last Dragon must settle for a more generic representation of being “Southeast Asian” or “Pacific Islander”, as opposed to Filipino or Tongan. 

2019 Hong Kong anti-extradition law protest with an ambulance driving through a crowd of people.
Source

This also comes with the replacement of half-Filipina Cassie Steele with Vietnamese Kelly Marie Tran. While Raya and the Last Dragon has been largely recognized for its distinctive Filipino references, the film continues to largely err on the side of mixing (and potentially confusing) a variety of Southeast Asian creatives. 

In the midst of such a struggle, however, Raya and the Last Dragon nevertheless represents the beginning of Southeast Asian involvement in the film industry, with hopes for more to come. 

Shang-Chi and the Legend of Yellow Peril 

Marvel’s latest Shang-Chi: The Legend of the Ten Rings also provides a new avenue for Asian representation, especially in the superhero realm. 

Simu Liu, set to play Shang-Chi, has been a longtime favorite in the Asian American film industry. From acting in short films with Wong Fu Productions to playing the sweet but arrogant Jung on Kim’s Convenience, Liu is a familiar face in the Asian American community and reflects their desire for diversity on camera. 

However, there is hesitation about rehashing the damaging Asian stereotypes from the original Shang-Chi comics. Inspired by the age of martial arts films, Shang-Chi echoes the era of Fu Manchu and Yellow Peril, when Asians were essentially characterized as purely evil

Fu Manchu represented the culmination of America’s anti-Asian, anti-immigrant anxieties and fears. In the comics, Shang-Chi is the son of Fu Manchu and equips his martial arts to destroy his father. Such a relationship spoke to the utilization of the “best” parts of Asian culture (a.k.a martial arts) to take down the “worst” parts (acting or looking “too Asian”). This divisiveness ultimately denounces an Asian identity, uplifting only that which is “best” in the eyes of others. 

Knowing this history, Shang-Chi holds the potential to backslide in the same ways that Mulan (2020) did, by focusing too much on a presumed perspective of “authenticity”. In the making of Shang-Chi, Disney must pull from contemporary Asian America, rather than its past.

Simu Liu speaking at Comic Con San Diego.
Source

As Simu Liu has pointed out, however, there is hope! Both Shang-Chi: The Legend of the Ten Rings and Raya and the Last Dragon have released their massive inclusion of a largely Asian and Asian American cast and creative team. This means that, in contrast to Mulan’s implementation of solely Asian actors, these two new films will be written and creatively produced by the same people it seeks to represent. In this way, Disney is truly learning from its failure with the live-action Mulan (2020). Though there has been some early criticism for the next two films, a positive anticipation flourishes in Disney’s changes for greater Asian representation in film and media.

Continue Reading

Culture

Grammy Nominations for 2020 Miss the Mark For Rap Album of the Year

Published

on

Grammy Award Nominations 2020
Source

Rap has recently become the most populars genre of music in America, but despite this, the Grammys continue to nominate rap albums that are not representative of the genre as a whole. The Grammy nominations for 2020’s Rap Album of The Year were swept under the rug by the ongoing pandemic, but nevertheless, hip-hop fans across the country were taken aback by the albums that the Academy chose to nominate, as well as leave out. In a year where trap music swept hip-hop, with artists like Lil Baby and Lil Uzi Vert dominating the charts, not one nominated album falls into this subgenre. Hip-hop fans across the country simply want to know: why?   

The Grammy’s controversy with Rap Music

To answer this question we must first look at the history of the Grammys, an organization that has been making faux pas in their rap nominations since the inception of the category. In 1996, the year the Grammy’s created the Rap Album of The Year Award, 2-Pac’s Me Against The World, lost to Naughty By Nature’s Poverty’s Paradise, which was, to put it bluntly, a horrible decision. Many believe 2-Pac, who died later the same year, was one of the GOAT’s (Greatest  of All Time) in Hip-Hop, and to lose in this manner, with debatably his strongest work, is emblematic of the way the Grammy’s make their decisions.

Don’t just take my word for it, though; in 2008, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame included Me Against the World in the Definitive 200 Albums of All Time list, and Pac’s first #1 single Dear Mama, which appeared on the album, went platinum, just five months after its release.

Naughty By Nature, which was extremely popular in the early 90’s, were by no means a bad rap group, but their Grammy win in 1996 set a precedent for the Academy that showed how out of touch they were with the hip-hop community.

Graffiti on a wall that reads 'Hip Hop.'
Source

To give a more recent example, Kendrick Lamar(another rapper understood as one of the GOAT’s), was nominated in 2014 for his album Good Kid Maad City, which is universally respected as one of the best rap albums of this decade. Nevertheless, Macklemore, whose hit song Thrift Shop went viral that same year, won the award with his debut album The Heist. This name was ironically fitting for the album, with Macklemore himself texting Kendrick after his win, stating, “You got robbed. I wanted you to win. You should have. It’s weird and sucks that I robbed you.”

With rappers themselves feeling like their wins were unwarranted, and albums of the highest tier getting snubbed for the award, we start to get a picture of where the Grammys have gone awry in the past. This year, we see a similar phenomenon, with a list of nominees that ranges from Freddie Gibbs “Alfredo”, which critics ranked as one of the top albums of the year, top Royce Da 5’9’s “The Allegory” which was described by as “(featuring) as many showy passages as clunky stumbling blocks.”

This Years Nominations 

Two of the five albums nominated this year were, in my opinion, deserving of this honor. As I mentioned previously Alfredo, a collaborative project between rapper Freddie Gibbs, and producer The Alchemist, is a dynamic piece of music. The alchemist’s style complements Gibbs’ rough but melodic flow perfectly, and “on Alfredo, that style is vintage luxury, bathed in elegant piano with faded textures colored by time that sound even more beautiful now than when they were new.” Additionally, Jay Electronica’s long-awaited A Written Testimony is a mystical, distinctive work that nearly lives up to all the lore surrounding the rapper.”

Also described as “a prayerful offering that expresses the many spiritual and communal virtues he has internalized”, A Written Testimony, is one of those rap albums that you may not listen to in the club, but you have to respect for its intricate lyricism and complex themes throughout.

Both Alfredo and A Written Testimony received rave reviews from critics, with an 8/10 and 8.5/10 respectively, and were some of the best lyrical rap albums of the year. The issue with this year’s nominations arises with the rest of the nominees. All three were poorer versions of the lyrical subgenre in rap, showing a lack of variety or holistic taste from the Academy, while also taking up the space of more deserving albums. D Smoke’s Black Habits was definitely the best of the three, as it “(weaved) soulful, jazz, gospel, spoken word with a dose of Spanish, acoustic vibes, and a touch of synth to explore the central theme.”

This album simply didn’t deserve a Grammy nod because of D Smokes’ lack of experience in the rap game. The Winner of the hip-hop reality TV competition Rhythm and Flow in 2019, Smoke absolutely deserves his nomination in the Best New Artist category. Unfortunately, other rappers with equally good, if not better, albums, a solid fanbase, and extensive history in the genre are more deserving of the Album of The Year nomination.

The other two nominees are where it starts to get worse, with Nas’ Kings Disease getting a Grammy nod despite its description as (marking) a retreat into a nostalgia-act comfort zone, one that suits him even as it yields diminishing returns.” Nas’ has the inverse problem of D Smoke with this album; he is too far towards the end of his career, as opposed to too close to the beginning. With a rating of 6.3/10, this is one of Nas’ least exciting albums, and it just feels like a strange nomination, with no clear justification by the Academy. The final Album of the Year nominee is Royce Da 5’9’s The Allegory. With a 5.8/10, The Allegory does not live up to the weaker competition in this list by the critics’ standards and was not impressively popular on the charts. Unlike the wise knowledge dropped by Jay Electronica on A Written Testimony, this album“features as many showy passages as clunky stumbling blocks”, as Royce conveys “a heavy-handed attempt at converting his listeners to woke enlightenment.”

A closeup of a microphone.
Source

The 3 Albums the Grammys Missed…Badly

  1. Lil Baby’s My Turn was one of the most popular albums of the year with 197K first week sales/streams, making up for its less than phenomenal 6.6/10 critic rating. Despite criticism, the album still features some of the year’s biggest songs including Woah and Grace Ft.42 Dugg, and in a year so big for Baby, the album definitely deserved recognition over some of the others that were chosen. 
  1. Polo G’s The Goat was a great follow up to his debut, being extremely popular and well-reviewed by critics. One article stated “The Chicago rapper’s follow-up to his riveting debut LP argues for him as an adaptable and unmissable talent, an unlikely star in a new major-label system…Polo G raps with a sing-song lilt, but his songs are shaded with murders, heartbreak, and incredible pain.” With a 7.7/10 rating and 99,00 first week sales/streams, The Goat has both the popularity and respect to deserve a nomination, in a year where Polo G cemented himself as one one of the largest up and coming faces in Hip Hop
  1. Lil Uzi Vert’s Eternal Atake was one of the biggest rap albums of 2020, and with 288,00 first week sales/streams, it is a shock that it was left off the nominee listing. Matching Jay Electronica’s critical review of 8.4/10, and with incredible sales, Eternal Atake has an even better argument than The Goat for having both critical acclaim and chart-topping numbers. In the album, “The Philly rapper has evolved into an untouchable pop artist in sound and style. With deliriously good rapping and immaculate production, Uzi makes an event album live up to its name.”
Continue Reading

Culture

Different Ways to celebrate Christmas-Comparing Christmas Traditions Across the Globe

Published

on

Four girls holding candles, singing Christmas carols.
Source

Christmas caroling, gingerbread houses, eggnog and candy canes are an indication that the holiday season is upon us. In the U.S. and certain other countries, we have traditions like setting out milk and cookies for Santa, lining our mantels with stockings, and hanging wreaths and bright lights outside. But many other countries around the world have their own unique traditions to celebrate this most wonderful time of the year. Let’s take a look at some of the different ways other cultures embrace the magic of Christmas. 

Region of Puerto Rico 

In Puerto Rico, Christmas is an extravagant, go-all-out type of holiday. Christmas celebrations start the day after Thanksgiving and last until the beginning of January. An important holiday tradition is caroling, referred to as a parranda, meaning the gift of music. The parranda isn’t your average Christmas caroling excursion; there are maracas, guitars and tamboras involved, making it all the more festive. In many cities, fireworks are set off each night in celebration. Some special holiday foods in Puerto Rico include lechón asado (a pork dish), tembleque (coconut pudding), and coquito (a coconut-rum drink).

Australia

Christmas is a holiday that is typically associated with winter. But in Australia, Christmas takes place in the summer season, swapping snowmen for sandmen. The beach is a very popular destination on Christmas day, filled with live music, barbeques, and decorated trees in the sand. If you’re lucky, you may even see Santa Claus, better known as Father Christmas in Australia, surfing the waves. Australians also celebrate the holiday season by gathering in large groups to sing Christmas carols with candles in hand. This tradition is known as ‘Carols by Candlelight.’

Finland

Rovaniemi, located in Lapland, Finland, is a city noted for its holiday spirit. In fact, Rovaniemi is the official hometown of Santa Claus. Santa’s post office (it’s a real post office) is open year-round, collecting letters from thousands of children. The subpolar climate of Rovaniemi makes the city a winter wonderland for several months. Christmas theme parks filled with reindeer sleigh rides and Santa and his elves make for a wonderful holiday experience.

Mexico

In Mexico, the Las Posadas celebration begins on December 16th and ends on Christmas Eve. Communities dress up and reenact Joseph and Mary’s journey to Bethlehem in search of shelter. There’s music, parties, and holiday foods such as buñuelos, a dessert made of fried dough and topped with cinnamon sugar or syrup. On Christmas Eve, the party culminates with the breaking of piñatas.

A tree ornament in the form of a globe.
Source

Germany

Germany has a rich history of Christmas traditions, some more terrifying than others. In Germany and some other European countries, the Krampus, an evil demon-goat creature, is rumored to be Santa’s evil relative. Krampus punishes children who misbehave, and if you’re in Germany, you may see people dressed up as Krampus wandering through the streets and scaring bystanders. On a happier note, Christmas markets and holiday shopping are all the rage in Germany. In the city of Nuremberg, Christkindlesmarkt is a famously large Christmas market, attracting millions of visitors each year. Famous holiday foods at this market include gingerbread, bratwursts, and fruitcake. 

Japan

Although only a small fraction of the population of Japan is Christian, the spirit of Christmas is still in the air. In Japan, millions of families celebrate Christmas with a special tradition: a chicken dinner, typically from KFC. Santa Claus has been traded in for Colonel Sanders. In some ways, Christmas in Japan is celebrated in the same way that we celebrate Valentine’s Day. Rather than spending Christmas day with family, couples go out for romantic dinners. 

Netherlands

In Amsterdam, Santa Claus is not the only one to deliver presents — Sinterklaas, a Santa-like Nordic figure, also distributes gifts to children. Sinterklass sails from Spain over to the Netherlands to deliver presents on December 5. Santa then arrives on Christmas day to fill childrens’ shoes with gifts. Another important Christmas tradition in the Netherlands is gourmetten, a big dinner where meats and vegetables are grilled at the table, and underneath the grill or hot plate, tiny pans filled with sauces and cheeses are broiled. These dinners somewhat resemble an indoor barbeque.

Iceland

In Iceland, the Yule Lads, 13 mischievous troll-like figures, deliver gifts to children or give them potatoes if they have been naughty that year. Starting on December 12th, a different lad visits each night leading up to Christmas. Children leave their shoes out on windowsills in anticipation of the Yule Lads’ visits. Grýla, the mother of the Yule Lads, is a scary troll rumored to eat misbehaving children. 

While many Christmas celebrations and family traditions are on hold due to Covid, it’s always nice to reminisce on the pre-Covid holiday seasons, as we hope to resume the celebrations next year.

Continue Reading

Trending